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Don’t you wish buying a car was like buying a puppy? You could walk down to the car shop and watch all the cute little mid-sized Sedans bundled up together, nipping at each other’s trunks, pressing their front tires up against the glass and wagging their little exhaust pipes as you pass by. Then, suddenly, you’d stop and come eye to headlight with the most adorable little Honda Civic and you’d know that this is the one. You’d tell the salesman that you’ve made your choice, he’d hand you the keys, and you and your new best friend would drive off the lot to spend a delightful 10 to15 years together.

Unfortunately, that’s just not how it goes. Shopping for a car is a much more complicated (not to mention much less heartwarming) process. Figuring out what you want is only the first step. There are questions to be asked, pitfalls to be avoided, and an intricate game of cat and mouse to engage in. And if you don’t do everything just right, you’re liable to wind up overpaying for a vehicle that underperforms. So, with that in mind, break out your number two pencils: It’s time for a crash course.

Lesson the first: You should identify the vehicles you’re interested in and find out as much as you can about them (prices, standard versus additional features, manufacturer warranties) before you go anywhere near a dealership. To this end, you can use consumer report guides, discussions with car owners, and, of course, the Internet. Do not rely on the salesperson; no matter how trustworthy he may seem, never forget that his primary goal is not to help you, but to make money. And if you don’t have a firm grasp on the kind of the car you want, its features, and what it should cost going in, it makes it all the simpler for him to talk you into something that you’ll regret.

Furthermore, use this research to help figure out whom you should buy from.

“Ask the salesperson technical questions about the car you're interested in . . . total cubic feet of the trunk, wheelbase of the car, total number of colours available for it,” advises Ray Lopez, former car salesman and author of Inside the Minds of Car Dealers: How to Buy Your Next Car Without Fear. “If the salesperson does not know the answers off the top of his head, he doesn't know his products. Never deal with anybody who does not know what they're selling. They can't be trusted to tell you the truth about the cars or the selling price.”

At the same time, don’t assume that having this information ahead of time gives you the upper hand in negotiations. Think of it like a game of poker—having the best cards doesn’t mean you’re going to win; you still have to outwit the player across from you. And an experienced car salesperson can take advantage of an informed buyer just as easily as he can an uninformed buyer.

“If he/she comes on strong . . . knowing everything right from the start, we tailor our approach to make him/her feel as (though) they're in the driver's seat immediately,” cautions Lopez. “We'll let you believe you have us over a barrel. You eventually let your guard down and do we ever go in for kill. You never see it coming.” On the contrary, “if your approach is casual and friendly, we'll do a bit more to work with you on not only getting a sale, but also giving you a better deal than the other guy.”

In other words, put on your poker face. Use your research to insulate yourself against smooth talk, but don’t flaunt what you’ve learned. Try to seem confident and knowledgeable but also open to suggestions; it’ll make it much more difficult for the salesperson to get a read on you and take advantage. Moreover, it never hurts to bluff once in a while. “If you tell us this will be your 12th car purchase (or something similar to that), that puts us on our guard to not try as many deceitful things . . . We could actually blow a sale by coming on too hard and fast with an experienced buyer.”

That’s it for strategy. As for what type of car you should buy—Ford or Toyota, new or used—that’s entirely up to you. However, just know that, when buying a used car, you need to be especially cautious. Unless you’re considering a certified used car from a new car dealership or shopping at CarMax (an international chain of used car lots), you’re unlikely to receive a warranty, according to Lopez. As such, you should have any vehicle inspected by a mechanic before purchase.

Also, before deciding to buy, you should seriously consider leasing. When you buy a car, you pay its entire value, regardless of how long you own it; when you lease, you pay a smaller amount to use it for two to three years (depending on the lease agreement). Though many people prefer ownership, leasing is often the better option. “If you drive 12,000 miles or less per year, want (the) peace of mind of driving a car that's always covered by a factory warranty and would like to have a new car every three years, leasing will almost always be the better way to go,” says Lopez. “Your total down and monthly payments will be less than a purchase. You'll never pay the full amount of sales tax, only a portion of it. And you won't take those huge depreciation hits (the drop in a car’s value that occurs over time).” Nevertheless, keep in mind that negotiating a lease is the same basic process as negotiating a purchase and the same tactics should be employed.

Follow this advice and you’ll no doubt be better equipped to traverse the hazardous terrain of the sales floor. However, we still have to deal with the unfortunate fact that, as a woman, you’re very likely to pay more for your car than a man. On average, female buyers pay 2 per cent more (as much as an additional $500) for their vehicles than male buyers. This is largely because, even though women are solely responsible for over half of all new car purchases, many sales people—about 90 per cent of whom are male (according to a 2002 study by CNW Marketing Research, Inc.)—still hold firm to the belief that only men possess the car-buying gene and, thus, try especially hard to take advantage of female customers. “(They’re) like sharks in a feeding frenzy when (they) see a woman by herself on the lot,” laments Lopez. “Immediately, a salesman is convinced of a huge commission cheque.”

If you don’t wish to put yourself in that position, the Internet might be your best place to look. You can cut out personal negotiation entirely by buying or leasing your car online at websites such as cars4u.com, which allow you to search out vehicle information and hunt for a bargain amongst the various dealerships affiliated with the website. No fuss. No muss. No sexism. But, if you do choose to go this route, just keep in mind that, as with in-person dealings, you should always shop around and gather all the facts before coming to a final decision. Moreover, as always, beware of internet scams.

Well, students, that’s it. Class dismissed. Make sure to show your work on the test and remember that, however you choose to go about getting your automobile, you need to put yourself in the driver’s seat (you knew it was coming). Know the car you want, know how to go about getting it, and, above all, make sure that you are in control of the process from start to finish.

BY: MATTHEW CURRIE / PUBLISHED: MARCH/APRIL 2010 ISSUE