Anokhi Fashion Lifestyle Entertaiment

Dear Masalaydaar,
So glad you wrote in to clarify things beforehand– it’s always easier to do something than it is to undo it. That said, first and foremost, you need to find out the reason behind his fantasy. Is it just about taking a tasty bite out of a forbidden fruit, or is it more about him satisfying his curiosity around being with men? Don’t laugh, over 3 million married men in North America are pursuing gay interests on the sly. In any case, if it’s the former, then we’re talking a bit of shared naughtiness and if it’s the latter, it could be a life-altering situation where you’re just being dragged along for the ride, so he can retain his manliness, even as he enjoys another man’s “manhood.” Where it leads will depend very much upon his motivation. If the issue of sexual orientation comes between you two, having you tag along under false pretenses doesn’t sound like the open and honest relationship that you’re implying. So just make sure that you know what you’re getting yourself into first before you actually do it. If you do go ahead, here are a few things to talk about ahead of time, so you have a safety net, just in case:

1. How are you going to practice safe sex? I don’t care how well you know the third party, or how clean he and his kebab look - you must practice safe sex, for everybody’s sake and that includes oral sex. (So the condom goes on as soon as pants come off!)

2. Who selects the third party? Hopefully it’s you and not someone you’re likely to run into on an ongoing basis, especially not someone from the desi community who’s likely to talk.

3. What happens if things don’t work out as you’d hoped? Can you agree to use a safe word, drop the scene and never rub it in each other’s faces again? If so, what’s your safe word going to be?

4. What happens if it only goes well for one party and they want a steady diet of it, while the other’s appalled by the experience and wouldn’t dream of a repeat performance?

5. What are the rules of the game in terms of who penetrates whom, whether or not kissing is allowed, and where the boundaries lie in terms of tenderness or roughness?

As you can see, there is a lot to think about, not the least of which is his motivation. When you involve other people, you cross the line from fantasy into reality, which by its very nature, doesn’t account for what could go wrong. That’s why they say most fantasies should be left as fantasies since imagination is always saucier and trouble-free! But you two are consenting adults and so, the ultimate decision needs to come from you guys – you in particular since it’s his fantasy. Good luck and I hope your relationship has the right amount of masala – too much and it could sting and burn, not to mention cover up all other flavours! Rebecca

Sex stumped? Email her rebecca.rosenblat@anokhimagazine.com
BY: REBECCA ROSENBLAT / PUBLISHED: FALL 2009 ISSUE