Anokhi Fashion Lifestyle Entertaiment

Where do you act your best, perhaps dress your best, and definitely give your best? On a date? At work? Can you see the potential for making a good impression in either case? When do you feel an adrenalin rush? On a date? In an intense, high-pressure, challenging work environment? Can you see the potential for feeling high around someone in either case?

Talk about a set up, where close proximity, familiarity and opportunity have the potential of kick-starting anyone’s primal instincts, even the likes of Bill Clinton and David Letterman, at high risk to their careers. As humans, that primal instinct calls out to us repeatedly. Thinking that it won’t come up at least a few times a day, when we’re working closely together for 8-12 hours, is simply naive. Besides, as workdays get longer and longer, who has the time to go elsewhere to meet someone? And at work, you’re surrounded by people you know, who share a common interest with you, who’ve been previewed in their normal existence—versus an artificial alcohol-tampered environment. Small wonder more and more romances are starting at the workplace, even though office policies may frown upon it.

And it isn’t any easier for those who don’t meet face to face, thanks to holding virtual offices. If anything, it allows them to feel less inhibited—just compare the intensity of a first cyber chat versus a first real chat. Throw in lack of “rules” for that grey area, and you’re talking loads of potential for giving into those animal instincts, professional relationship or not. It may start off with “wanting to put a face to the voice/writing” then seamlessly slip into areas that don’t normally belong in formal decorum.

It goes to reason then, clearly we can’t stop such romances, regardless of the venue. Thus, many workplaces have gone from forbidding them (as is the case with 12% of American companies, who have strict policies against them), to suggesting that the couple come forth and speak with the boss, so they can introduce them to their “love policies and contracts” —regarding how they should conduct themselves, manage their jobs, and whether or not one of them needs to be transferred to another job. But the picture becomes more complicated when one of the parties is the boss, ‘cause at the end of the day, they always have an advantage, while the subordinate can lose their reputation. Regardless, of the 40 per cent of workers who admit to dating someone at work over the course of their careers, one in three say that it was someone in a higher position, according to a recent survey by careerbuilder.com. Interestingly, more women than men end up dating the boss, to gain power versus special favours. But the trend is likely to change, as more and more women hold powerful positions themselves.

In contrast, one trend that’s here to stay is a steady increase in office romances, as we’ve seen over the last few years. And no one is exempt from the tempting dynamic, thanks to the irresistible cocktail of power, pressure, and passion—just look at Barack and Michelle Obama, and Bill and Melinda Gates. But if you give in, no matter how discreet you think you are, only half of you will be able to keep it secret. And when the cat’s out of the bag, if you’re seriously in love, most people won’t frown upon it like they would if it's just about sex, an extramarital affair, or where one person exchanges sex for task- and/or career-related gains.

So exactly what makes office romances so potent?

Three Major Contributors To Office Romances

1. Power Play: Since a love affair is a level playing field, hierarchal barriers can disappear, and at times get flip-flopped around, when a junior takes charge over a senior. But where there’s a puppeteer, there’s always a puppet who’s getting their strings pulled, whether they like it or not.

2. Accessibility: For a lot of people who put in long hours, if they don’t do something with those around them, they’ll end up doing nothing at all. It’s a matter of convenience and familiarity—and possibly a case of the old adage: If you can’t have who you want, want who you can have, particularly if they’re a known entity.

3. Perfect Alchemy: As more and more people at work end up spending copious amounts of time together in high- stress situations, they end up experiencing a mix of ambition, angst, adrenalin, and they possibly share food, alcohol, and travel, which combine together to forge the illusion of intense excitement. That said, be forewarned that, if you take that non-relationship stuff off the table, there might be no relationship left.

Next, I’d like to cover the top three reasons why office romances can be a good idea.

Three Major Advantages To Office Romances

1. Great Place To Meet: With our hectic schedules, romance can take a back seat. But if someone practically falls in your lap or cubicle, someone who you know, like, and are comfortable with, who’d be stupid enough to fight it?

2. Having A Relationship Prior To Dating: By working alongside someone, you get to know them as an individual, under various circumstances. So you’re dealing with a person who you already have a relationship with—a real McCoy, versus a peacock strutting his stuff, putting on a show for the mating dance.

3. Ability To Spend Time Together: Busy or not, if you work together, you’ll be able to spend a lot of time together, and possibly become more productive at work, since you’ll be looking forward to going in. That said, if it feels like too much closeness, especially if you live together, build in some me time, versus just we time.

Now on to the flip-side – top three reasons why office romances may not be a good idea.

Three Major Drawbacks To Office Romances

1. Putting Your Credibility In Jeopardy: Even though you may have earned your spot by merit, once the affair comes out—which it more than likely will—everyone will question the subordinate’s credibility, underestimate their knowledge and contribution, wonder about whether or not favouritism is being shown in important decisions, and possibly mock the authority of the superior.

2. Inappropriate Daytime Relationship: This can get you from two sides. If you’re overly friendly and inappropriate, it’s got bad news written all over it, professionally—from distraction to water-cooler fodder for gossip. If one of you tries to treat the other as less than special, to keep such issues from happening, it’s got bad news written all over it, personally. Many people can’t handle the hot and cold flip-flop, and often end up punishing their partner with the cold shoulder at home.

3. Fallout Of Romance Gone Bad: Of course the worst scenario is when things don’t turn out as hoped, resulting in someone getting fired or transferred, a sexual harassment suit, vengefulness rearing its ugly head, and so on¬— plus, you have to run into this person and deal with office gossip on top of all that.

So there you have it—the good, the bad, and the ugly of office romances. But since we’ll continue to work longer hours, in high pressure environments, surrounded by people we know and dig, the workplace is bound to become a more and more viable option for starting a romance. To avoid problems, try to date someone who works at the same level as yourself (but possibly in a different department), know how to keep the romance out of the office (even when you run into your amour in the office), and do not confide any personal details in co-workers, no matter how close you feel and how much you’ve disclosed in the past with other relationships. Enjoy the ride—it’ll feel like a rollercoaster at times, but it’s definitely worth the fun, if you can stomach it and know how to negotiate it safely. Fasten your seat belts, it’s gonna be bumpy!

BY: REBECCA ROSENBLAT / PUBLISHED: SEPTEMBER 2010 ISSUE