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Dear Rebecca,
I’m a shy girl who is uncomfortable being naked in front of my hubby – just too embarrassed – but he’s at the opposite extreme. Not only does he want me buck naked, he seems to want it in front of other people. He expects me to perform weird positions and make out in a public place – or at the very least, in front of his best friend (male). What’s with that? Please shed some light on this, before I allow him to shed any light on my naked body. In the Dark, Toronto

Dear In the Dark,

I don’t know what positions hubby expects you to perform, but let’s start off with the hardest position a guy could put a woman into – being naked, feeling vulnerable. According to a British study, a third of women are too shy to be naked in front of their lover, another third believe they’re too out of shape to disrobe in front of him, and one in ten will go as far as locking the bathroom door to avoid being surprised by him. And it doesn’t end there – many of us will pass up on a perfectly good sale if we have to strip down to our skivvies in front of a room full of women. Now, guys are a different entity altogether. They walk around locker rooms with their junk on display, shower and pee in front of each other, and some will even joke about each other’s goodies – you’ll never catch women jesting about each other’s labia! So why is that?

First of all, women are under a lot more pressure than men to look good—70 per cent will have body image issues after spending a mere four minutes with a fashion magazine, according to Psychology Today. And the number only gets worse if we compare ourselves to the perfect, air-brushed, exquisitely posed nude images that accompany our guys during self-loving. So I feel your pain, sista! The other reason is, unlike guys, females are often raised to be modest— to neither show nor give it away too easily. Again, I feel your pain! That said, if we’re to enjoy our sexuality, we must lose the shame and the brutal criteria we subject our bodies to that cause self-loathing and other tragic results. I know women often dress for other women, but when it comes to undressing, it should be for our partners, the ones who’re enamoured by our bodies and are dying to see us naked, especially in your case – he certainly wouldn’t be wanting to display you in front of others if that weren’t true.

Now that we’ve addressed the toughest position, let’s get you comfortable with other sexual positions. Just as women feel vulnerable about their bodies, men feel equally vulnerable about their sexuality. So if he asks you to try out something new, never disapprove or show disgust—that’s the surest way of discouraging his openness. Just let him know that it’s the idea that you’re having a problem with, not him. Then, offer something equally salacious that you’re comfortable with, as a good substitute. For instance, if he wants to get it on in public, with a slight chance of getting caught, park the car in your garage, versus the neighbourhood park. As for inviting other parties into your bed, that’s a definite no-no, unless you’re completely comfortable with it and have discussed the rules ahead of time. Fantasies are one thing, but crossing over into reality is quite another, since it comes with irreversible consequences.

Bottom line: If you ditch your clothes and a few inhibitions, he’ll be beyond thrilled and more than likely ditch his far-out requests. FYI, red lighting does double duty as flaw minimizer and mood setter. You go, girl – and don’t forget to ask him to do something delish that’ll rock your boat in return!

Rebecca

Rebecca Rosenblat (aka Dr. Date) is a nationally renowned certified relationship & sexuality expert. She hosts a popular weekly call-in television show, Sex @11. You can book a personal appointment with her by visiting www.DrDate.com.

**The above advice is intended to help and entertain you. Not knowing the individual details of your situation, neither Rebecca Rosenblat nor ANOKHI can assume any liability.

PUBLISHED: THE LIVE BEAUTIFUL ISSUE / MARCH 2011

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