Rebecca's Hot & Heavy Sex Tips
Dear Rebecca, With the holiday season coming up, I’m feeling a bit nervous with respect to what’s considered an appropriate gift for someone you’ve been dating for only a couple of months. To put things into perspective, we’ve been getting really close, but not that close, yet... if you know what I mean. Truth be told, I’m actually ready for it, so I was wondering if a suggestive gift would be a good segue for broaching the subject. I’m afraid if we put it off any longer, it’ll become near impossible to get into it. So maybe you can tell me what’s appropriate, gift-wise, and whether or not it can have double meaning.
Wrapped Up, Toronto
To answer the first part of your question, your gift can only be as intimate as your relationship—so if it hasn’t been revealed to you, you’re not close enough to buy it. In other words, if you haven’t seen each other without underthings, they’re off limits. Ditto for clothes if you’re not close enough to know their size, or perfume/cologne, if you’re not sure what fragrances they’re into. But since I’m assuming you’ve enjoyed some fun stuff together, entertainment-related gifts are fair game—a movie, concert, or live show tickets; books, DVDs or music (provided you know their taste); something catering to a hobby, or perhaps a salon package. Notice I didn’t say spa package? If your fingers haven’t explored their landscape, paying for someone else to do so is a no-no. That said, as far as segues go, that’s a good one, if you must. Someone bought me a birthday massage once—not sure what their intent was, but right afterwards, the first words out of my mouth were, “If you can make my bod feel that good without even touching me, I’d hate to think what you could do if you do touch me,” even though I wasn’t thinking in those terms prior to that. In any case, I'm not sure where you’re at—or for that matter what gender your partner is—so here go some generic tips, assuming you’re at the appropriate stages for each of them:
1. Unless she looks like a lingerie model, you’re better off skipping that one—if it’s too tight, she’ll feel bad, if it’s too big, she’ll be upset that you think that she’s that huge.
2. Unless he’s been talking about it, buying him a gym membership will more than likely hurt his ego.
3. As far as jewelry goes, stay away from rings and hearts, unless you’re serious about her.
4. If you’re buying him clothes, respect his style, but make it dress-to-impress hot—athletic wear may be comfy, but doesn’t give a sexy message.
5. Monthly coupons to watch chick flicks or dick flicks, but be specific with the latter—there’s a world of difference between action adventure and getting some action.
6. Booze, candy, and flowers work in regular settings, but are a bit bland as a holiday gift for an amour.
7. Gift certificates to their favourite retail therapy place are great choices, especially since we all need some therapy over the holidays.
8. Flannel jammies? Don’t even think about it! Ditto for anything else that’s kiddie or grandparent appropriate.
9. If you’re broke, burn a CD, bake something, or cook dinner—better yet, prepare a finger-food feast, where licking each others fingers could lead to licking other parts . . . now that’s a segue!
10. If nothing’s speaking to you, ask their closest friend what they’d like, but be sure the friend has no ulterior motives. You don’t want a friend who wants to break you up, or one who wants to move up the schedule on your relationship—and we’re not talking consummation here.
Hope this will help you wrap up the right thing, so you can get unwrapped the right way!
Rebecca Rosenblat (aka Dr. Date) is a nationally renowned certified relationship & sexuality expert. She hosts a popular weekly call-in television show, Sex @11. You can book a personal appointment with her by visiting www.DrDate.com.
Sex stumped? Email her firstname.lastname@example.org
BY: REBECCA ROSENBLAT / PUBLISHED: NOVEMBER 2010 ISSUE